Madeline! So I just read your introduction for Love: Grecian Women Tell All and loved it! I think the idea you have is perfect! It sets it up to be this juicy gossip session with Grecian Women. I feel like I was invited into Elysium myself to hear the "real" story of how it all went down. Kind of like the Women Tell All episode of the Bachelor, right? I have never thought about how the characters that all the classrooms all over the world study feel about how we analyze or talk about them. I feel like the way this is structured is SUCH a different perspective, and that’s just dang cool! I think I am most excited to read Medea’s story! As far as revisions/feedback goes for the story, one minor thing is that in the first paragraph and third sentence, you include the words “when” and “while” when only one is needed. Also, that same sentence needs a semicolon instead of a comma or something to separate the two complete thoughts! Also, if you want to I wouldn’t hate hearing more about each of the stories in the introduction! Anyway, those are just a few thoughts, and I am excited to come back and read more about these four women’s stories.
Hello Madeline! I really love the introduction you have for your storybook. I think you've done a really great job of setting up the feeling of women gathering together in a social setting, gossiping and sharing their own sides of the stories. The image you used was absolutely perfect. It really lends itself to the story as a visualization of the setting you have created for us. I really loved that you gave us little peaks into the stories we are going to be hearing from these women. I liked that in each one you told us just a little about how each of these women came to Elysium and felt that really helped bind all the different stories together. Your last line sets up a really great transition into your stories in the future. Open endings like that work so well when you know you're going to transition into a new story and it also allows you some room to work with when you choose what story you want to do next. Besides what Avery touched on above I don't really have any other suggestions. I'm looking forward to seeing what stories you write in the future!
Hey Madeline! Dang girl, you rocked that introduction and first story! I loved your version of Hypermnestra's story! What a sweet, innocent soul she was. And oh man, your introduction was perfect! You can definitely feel the whole "girl power" vibe going on. Who are the rest Elysium to judge them for their actions. I'm really glad your telling each of the stories from the women's point of view - excellent strategy, girl! If I had to critique anything, I would just say in your first story, the end of the first sentence seems to have accidentally been moved underneath the second paragraph, but that's a super easy fix. Other than that, there's really not a whole lot else I can say. You're a phenomenal writer, so keep up the great work, girl! I SO cannot wait to hear the rest of the women's stories. Keep on keepin' on, my new friend! ;)
This is a really awesome theme. At first glance, it sounded like something I might not like, but you did a really great job in the introduction getting me interested in the theme. I liked the very last sentence of your introduction the best. “So, who’s first?” I thought that was the perfect way to lead us into your stories. It got me excited for who was to tell the first story. I read your first story and really enjoyed it as well. You are really great at writing and it shows. You did a great job linking all of the characters together as well. I am looking forward to reading more stories in your storybook. You have done a great job so far.
I love this theme. Being the bachelor/bachelorette junkie that I am instantly envisioned an episode of "the women tell all" When you start your story of Hypermnestra, I see her going up from the audience to sit on the couch with a Chris harrison like host of the show. She walks up to unfold her true story so there is no more confusion on who she really is. I feel like the way you are setting up your storybook really digs deep into the real truths of these women. They all have a story to tell and the way you are doing it is serious but still playful! I can't wait to read more of the stories!
Home Page: First off I really like the layout of your storybook! It is very well done. I also really like the picture you included on home page. Introduction: I love this idea of having these women tell their story from their perspective. I have a feeling the original stories were told from the perspective of a male. I thought it was a good idea to have them all meeting in Elysium because this is a logical place where they would all meet each other. Hypermnestra: My first thought of this idea of the brother’s children marrying was incest. Her story is already off to a weird start. Yep she is in trouble, but I think she might have stalled the situation a bit by asking Lynceus to wait. O I’m so glad she was freed. I like the detail about how the trial was a blur to her. This is so realistic. When there is something that heavy that is hanging over someone sometimes their minds turn to a fog because it is too overwhelming. I think your storybook is wonderful! I love the idea and I think you are carrying it out quite beautifully. Great Job!
Hello Madeline. The layout of your storybook is simple and easy to navigate. The color scheme you have chosen is full of colors that compliment eachother. The font was a good choice, I never found my eyes having to struggle to maintain my concentration on the work so that is a plus. The pictures you chose seem to fit right in with the subject matter of your storybook. Your introduction does a good job of giving the reader enough information about the storybook and its concept and yet does not spoil any of the stories by giving too much away. Choosing to tell these stories from the perspective of the of the characters involved was a good way to go. I think for the most part in these stories the characters wants and motivations is somewhat never explained. By choosing to use this format you are able to tell the story, but also add context to the stories.
I can tell by reading the introduction that this is going to be a great storybook! Your writing is clear and straightforward. It is very nice and easy to read. I like that you began the introduction with a little bit of mystery by saying that today was a big day for the narrator and then went into detail about why this was the case. The descriptions of each story were perfect: there was just the right amount of information given while not spoiling any of the story that is to come. You also give a great transition into the first story. I read the story of Hypermenstra. I am not familiar with this story, but now I love it! You did a great job taking on her voice and being very descriptive with her dialogue. I can tell you also did a lot of research on her story by your detailed author’s note. Great job! I can’t wait to read the rest of your stories!
Hey girl, I'm back! I couldn't resist reading more of your stories; they're just too good! I've already read your introduction (which, like I said before...stellar). So I wanted to check out and see if you had added anything new. Medea is definitely one crazy lady, but I think you told her story quite nicely. Both of your stories, Hypermnestra and Medea, both had so much voice, you felt like the women were right there in front of you telling you their stories. I felt like I could sympathize with them so much. I think you had the perfect amount of dialogue, and honestly, there's really nothing I can see that I could tell you to fix. YOU GO GIRL. I can't wait to check back and see if you add any more stories before the end of the semester. (Which, by the way, I think you should add at least one more! Keep on keepin' on! ;)
Hi Madeline! I wanted to start by saying I really like the aesthetics of your website.; it is very sleek and easy to navigate. I really enjoyed seeing that your theme is Greek mythology since there are so many great tales to use as a basis. I also liked that you went with the angle of the women being able to tell their stories from their perspective. That was such a great idea since you have no idea what parts would be fictitious and which ones would not be in the versions that everyone else hears. I thought you did a great job of introducing each character and adding in some foreshadowing in the introduction so the readers will be prepared for when it is their story. I think you did a great job with the Hypermnestra story by dividing it into brief paragraphs and by adding in dialogue. It made it very smooth to read from paragraph to paragraph and felt more like a conversation. I think you did a great job with writing it from beginning to finish!
I’m backkkk. I really loved the story of Medea as you told it. She seems so human and relatable, and it’s hard to condemn her, despite knowing all of the terrible things she has done. I thought your story flowed really well, and it really made you feel for her. It’s crazy to think that she could kill all of those people simply because she was so in love with Jason, but love really does crazy things to people, so I don’t think it’s too far-fetched, especially if the gods played a role in it. I really enjoyed the part when she talks about Jason leaving her to marry the princess, as her personality and disgust with his actions comes across really well. I think anyone would be sickened by someone saying that he/she was going to marry someone else for “their” benefit, when it seems obvious who is actually being benefitted in this situation. Wonderful job!
I love the concept for your storybook. It is a great idea for the women in Greek stories to take their stories back to tell them as they originally happened. The way you also set up your introduction makes me excited to read the rest of your storybook and see how you wrote the different stories.
I think you did a great job re-writing Hypermnestra’s story. The different pauses that you added where Hypermnestra spoke to the different girls she was telling her story to, just added so much more to make the story come alive and not be flat and a simple retelling.
It was a great idea to add Medea’s reaction to Hypermnestra’s story. To then have it contrasted with how Medea felt about her story and how she was as a person was a great way for the reader to really understand who she was as a person. It also sets up the story in a great way.
Your storybook cover is really cool. The picture is very simple but dramatic. The color red is known for love, hate, and tragedy. Also, the picture is somewhat blurry, which also evokes emotion. You put a lot of thought into the first page. In your introduction, I had a hard time getting into the story. I would suggest having someone else read your story for grammatical errors. I think you did a great job of letting your readers truly understand how Eurydice felt about others talking behind her back. It may be safe to assume that everyone has experienced that in some kind of way, harmful or not. It is great that you took your time to develop your character and her background. Although, it seemed like you were reapeating yourself a little in the introduction. You paragraph spacing was nice. Overall, I think you did a great job!
Madeline!
ReplyDeleteSo I just read your introduction for Love: Grecian Women Tell All and loved it! I think the idea you have is perfect! It sets it up to be this juicy gossip session with Grecian Women. I feel like I was invited into Elysium myself to hear the "real" story of how it all went down. Kind of like the Women Tell All episode of the Bachelor, right? I have never thought about how the characters that all the classrooms all over the world study feel about how we analyze or talk about them. I feel like the way this is structured is SUCH a different perspective, and that’s just dang cool! I think I am most excited to read Medea’s story! As far as revisions/feedback goes for the story, one minor thing is that in the first paragraph and third sentence, you include the words “when” and “while” when only one is needed. Also, that same sentence needs a semicolon instead of a comma or something to separate the two complete thoughts! Also, if you want to I wouldn’t hate hearing more about each of the stories in the introduction! Anyway, those are just a few thoughts, and I am excited to come back and read more about these four women’s stories.
Hello Madeline! I really love the introduction you have for your storybook. I think you've done a really great job of setting up the feeling of women gathering together in a social setting, gossiping and sharing their own sides of the stories. The image you used was absolutely perfect. It really lends itself to the story as a visualization of the setting you have created for us. I really loved that you gave us little peaks into the stories we are going to be hearing from these women. I liked that in each one you told us just a little about how each of these women came to Elysium and felt that really helped bind all the different stories together. Your last line sets up a really great transition into your stories in the future. Open endings like that work so well when you know you're going to transition into a new story and it also allows you some room to work with when you choose what story you want to do next. Besides what Avery touched on above I don't really have any other suggestions. I'm looking forward to seeing what stories you write in the future!
ReplyDeleteHey Madeline! Dang girl, you rocked that introduction and first story! I loved your version of Hypermnestra's story! What a sweet, innocent soul she was. And oh man, your introduction was perfect! You can definitely feel the whole "girl power" vibe going on. Who are the rest Elysium to judge them for their actions. I'm really glad your telling each of the stories from the women's point of view - excellent strategy, girl! If I had to critique anything, I would just say in your first story, the end of the first sentence seems to have accidentally been moved underneath the second paragraph, but that's a super easy fix. Other than that, there's really not a whole lot else I can say. You're a phenomenal writer, so keep up the great work, girl! I SO cannot wait to hear the rest of the women's stories. Keep on keepin' on, my new friend! ;)
ReplyDeleteThis is a really awesome theme. At first glance, it sounded like something I might not like, but you did a really great job in the introduction getting me interested in the theme. I liked the very last sentence of your introduction the best. “So, who’s first?” I thought that was the perfect way to lead us into your stories. It got me excited for who was to tell the first story. I read your first story and really enjoyed it as well. You are really great at writing and it shows. You did a great job linking all of the characters together as well. I am looking forward to reading more stories in your storybook. You have done a great job so far.
ReplyDeleteI love this theme. Being the bachelor/bachelorette junkie that I am instantly envisioned an episode of "the women tell all" When you start your story of Hypermnestra, I see her going up from the audience to sit on the couch with a Chris harrison like host of the show. She walks up to unfold her true story so there is no more confusion on who she really is. I feel like the way you are setting up your storybook really digs deep into the real truths of these women. They all have a story to tell and the way you are doing it is serious but still playful! I can't wait to read more of the stories!
ReplyDeleteHome Page: First off I really like the layout of your storybook! It is very well done. I also really like the picture you included on home page.
ReplyDeleteIntroduction: I love this idea of having these women tell their story from their perspective. I have a feeling the original stories were told from the perspective of a male. I thought it was a good idea to have them all meeting in Elysium because this is a logical place where they would all meet each other.
Hypermnestra: My first thought of this idea of the brother’s children marrying was incest. Her story is already off to a weird start.
Yep she is in trouble, but I think she might have stalled the situation a bit by asking Lynceus to wait.
O I’m so glad she was freed. I like the detail about how the trial was a blur to her. This is so realistic. When there is something that heavy that is hanging over someone sometimes their minds turn to a fog because it is too overwhelming.
I think your storybook is wonderful! I love the idea and I think you are carrying it out quite beautifully. Great Job!
Hello Madeline. The layout of your storybook is simple and easy to navigate. The color scheme you have chosen is full of colors that compliment eachother. The font was a good choice, I never found my eyes having to struggle to maintain my concentration on the work so that is a plus. The pictures you chose seem to fit right in with the subject matter of your storybook. Your introduction does a good job of giving the reader enough information about the storybook and its concept and yet does not spoil any of the stories by giving too much away. Choosing to tell these stories from the perspective of the of the characters involved was a good way to go. I think for the most part in these stories the characters wants and motivations is somewhat never explained. By choosing to use this format you are able to tell the story, but also add context to the stories.
ReplyDeleteI can tell by reading the introduction that this is going to be a great storybook! Your writing is clear and straightforward. It is very nice and easy to read. I like that you began the introduction with a little bit of mystery by saying that today was a big day for the narrator and then went into detail about why this was the case. The descriptions of each story were perfect: there was just the right amount of information given while not spoiling any of the story that is to come. You also give a great transition into the first story.
ReplyDeleteI read the story of Hypermenstra. I am not familiar with this story, but now I love it! You did a great job taking on her voice and being very descriptive with her dialogue. I can tell you also did a lot of research on her story by your detailed author’s note. Great job! I can’t wait to read the rest of your stories!
Hey girl, I'm back! I couldn't resist reading more of your stories; they're just too good! I've already read your introduction (which, like I said before...stellar). So I wanted to check out and see if you had added anything new. Medea is definitely one crazy lady, but I think you told her story quite nicely. Both of your stories, Hypermnestra and Medea, both had so much voice, you felt like the women were right there in front of you telling you their stories. I felt like I could sympathize with them so much. I think you had the perfect amount of dialogue, and honestly, there's really nothing I can see that I could tell you to fix. YOU GO GIRL. I can't wait to check back and see if you add any more stories before the end of the semester. (Which, by the way, I think you should add at least one more! Keep on keepin' on! ;)
ReplyDeleteHi Madeline! I wanted to start by saying I really like the aesthetics of your website.; it is very sleek and easy to navigate. I really enjoyed seeing that your theme is Greek mythology since there are so many great tales to use as a basis. I also liked that you went with the angle of the women being able to tell their stories from their perspective. That was such a great idea since you have no idea what parts would be fictitious and which ones would not be in the versions that everyone else hears. I thought you did a great job of introducing each character and adding in some foreshadowing in the introduction so the readers will be prepared for when it is their story. I think you did a great job with the Hypermnestra story by dividing it into brief paragraphs and by adding in dialogue. It made it very smooth to read from paragraph to paragraph and felt more like a conversation. I think you did a great job with writing it from beginning to finish!
ReplyDeleteI’m backkkk. I really loved the story of Medea as you told it. She seems so human and relatable, and it’s hard to condemn her, despite knowing all of the terrible things she has done. I thought your story flowed really well, and it really made you feel for her. It’s crazy to think that she could kill all of those people simply because she was so in love with Jason, but love really does crazy things to people, so I don’t think it’s too far-fetched, especially if the gods played a role in it. I really enjoyed the part when she talks about Jason leaving her to marry the princess, as her personality and disgust with his actions comes across really well. I think anyone would be sickened by someone saying that he/she was going to marry someone else for “their” benefit, when it seems obvious who is actually being benefitted in this situation. Wonderful job!
ReplyDeleteMadeline,
ReplyDeleteI love the concept for your storybook. It is a great idea for the women in Greek stories to take their stories back to tell them as they originally happened. The way you also set up your introduction makes me excited to read the rest of your storybook and see how you wrote the different stories.
I think you did a great job re-writing Hypermnestra’s story. The different pauses that you added where Hypermnestra spoke to the different girls she was telling her story to, just added so much more to make the story come alive and not be flat and a simple retelling.
It was a great idea to add Medea’s reaction to Hypermnestra’s story. To then have it contrasted with how Medea felt about her story and how she was as a person was a great way for the reader to really understand who she was as a person. It also sets up the story in a great way.
Hi Madeline,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook cover is really cool. The picture is very simple but dramatic. The color red is known for love, hate, and tragedy. Also, the picture is somewhat blurry, which also evokes emotion. You put a lot of thought into the first page. In your introduction, I had a hard time getting into the story. I would suggest having someone else read your story for grammatical errors. I think you did a great job of letting your readers truly understand how Eurydice felt about others talking behind her back. It may be safe to assume that everyone has experienced that in some kind of way, harmful or not. It is great that you took your time to develop your character and her background. Although, it seemed like you were reapeating yourself a little in the introduction. You paragraph spacing was nice. Overall, I think you did a great job!